...oh, so unexpected...

Sat, 15 May 2004 05:32:21 GMT

So, it has been a long time coming...

But, I got a new journal...takethisbreathx

Yay. How fun...

. sarah .

Here comes the showdown... What goes around comes around...

Thu, 13 May 2004 03:27:07 GMT

And I hope you can
forgive me for
that time when I put
my hand between your legs
and said it was small
'cause it's really not
...at all...

Jack and Bradley came over after school. We watched some of the boondock saints, then Jack stated he was going to take his clothes off. And he proceeded to do so, Bradley following suit. So I had to boys sitting on my couch, completely naked except for their boxer(brief)s. Haha, it was so funny... Especially because Jack thought I was going to be uncomfortable... but with him? Haha, well, you know...

What was really amusing though was when Bradley said "What would happen if, like, your dad walked in right now and there was a boy in your room, basically naked?", and I said, "Well, I'd tell him that I was just upset and you were trying to comfort me. Trust me. It works." And Bradley got very confused. And I laughed. Cuz well, wouldn't be the first time...

I freakin love the britney spears cd. So much. Go buy it. Now.

. sarah .

Tue, 11 May 2004 09:30:35 GMT

So, what am I doing up so late?

Oh right.

Sucking at life.

. sarah .

...scream til I faint...

Tue, 11 May 2004 06:58:11 GMT

I swear to all that is good and holy, I'm about to claw out my uterus with an unsharpend pencil. That's correct folks; an unsharpened pencil... mainly because it's the only thing within reaching distance that is sharper than a library card or a ball of wadded up paper. Damn it all and damn my uterus...

...and damn my outline that I still haven't done and damn feeling like shit and damn stupid indecisive people and damn the four cups of (very good) coffee that I just drank and damn feeling like this...

. sarah .

Mon, 10 May 2004 20:38:18 GMT

And I probably forgot
to tell you this
like that time when I forgot
to tell you about
that scar;
Remember how uncomfortable that made you feel?
See, you're not what I expected but
you're the only one who knows
how to
handle me...
You're such
a
great kisser
and
I know that you agree.

(today's ten millionth update...)

Mon, 10 May 2004 04:20:19 GMT

You're forcing me to grin and bear it...

*

Hank messaged me and asked when he could see me. SOMEONE told him I am a slut or something...

. sarah .

The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock

Mon, 10 May 2004 02:15:08 GMT

Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions.

"That is not it at all,
That is not what I meant, at all."

^Proof^ that early twentieth-century literature is applicable to today.

I am ready, I am ready, I am ready, I am... fine...

Mon, 10 May 2004 01:30:59 GMT

There were babies being dedicated in church today. Omg...

I'm such the bad student. I have sooosossososooso much to do right now, and I'm not doing it. Um, in fact, I'm definately doing everything in my power to find other, less productive things to do (ie, updating...)

Tragedy of tragedies... one of my little pink jewels came off of my sandal in Target somewhere and I couldn't find it. I SO did not pay $57 for flip flops that die after 3 months. No sir...

I bought three movies though. I got...um... oh right, Now and Then, Boondock Saints and A Bronx Tale. Wonderful. Something that's not so wonderful... I've spent $400 ($403.86 to be exact) in the past week. And I have nothing to show for it except, like, ten new shirts and some movies and three dollar flip flops. Oh. And I don't think I've been hungry. In anycase, this sucks. I'm so bad with money. My husband had better have bank. Endofstory.

My sister's graduating eigth grade. >AH!< She's so too young to go to high school...

Maybe I'll go do some work now... most likely not...

. sarah .

Talk is cheap so i bought every word you said. It scared me half to death now I'm half dead...

Sun, 09 May 2004 06:51:46 GMT

I love this song and especially that line. Brandtson kicks arse.

I'm in the weirdest mood right now. You have no idea. And I don't really know if weird is the correct word to describe myself at this moment. I'm chill. But, like, not in a good way. Oh, and to be fair and warn you, I have a feeling this is going to be a complaining entry. Just thought I'd share a head of time...

The realization of a whole lot of things has begun to set in. That wall or "rock bottom" so many people hit in their lives is beginning to get closer to me, on a daily basis it seems. And I don't know what to do. Everyday, being bombarded by conflicting views and morals and thoughts and influences has lately been hitting me harder than ever before. It's knocking me down and paralyzing my judgement, causing me to think in no way other than warped. And I don't know what to do.

I used to have people I could go to, even if I wouldn't, and they were there. I had someone there that, after I'd finish my rant, would nod and say "I know what you mean" and really, truly mean it. I miss that.

Getting your way is so highly overrated. Know why? Because as soon as you do, and you realize how wonderful it is, before you know it, it's gone. It's snatched out from under you and, as you teeter backwards and you glance upwards and see that there's nothing to grab onto, and it's then and there that it hits you that there's nothing you can do. And even if there was, it would eventually fall apart, just like fucking everything else.

*

The concept of a healthy realtionship baffles me. Never, in my life or those directly around me, have I observed a relationship, be it marital or parent-child or sibling or whatever that actually functioned in a manner according to the way it should be.

And all I want, is to be the exception... And if not for anyone else, this time I guess, for me...

I know what you're doing. Right now. Stop it.

. sarah .

Never gonna stop give it up such a dirty mind I always give it up for the touch of the younger kind

Thu, 06 May 2004 04:46:21 GMT

Happy Cinco de Mayo everyone. <3

I went to Mexican food with Chrish and Brad today after school. Yum.

Had a niiiice fun talk in spanish today with sam and melissa and maggi. Um, yeah, pretty sure all the details of them losing their virginity could have been spared. At least I know that when I do, if I cry, it'll be because I'm so happy that I've found the guy of my dreams and not because I feel dirty or used or nothing at all...

The OC finale is killin me right now.

I <3 Seth. He totally just told Marissa that she was a selfish bitch that ruined everything for Ryan even though Ryan's going back to Chino with Theresa because she decided to have the baby and... oh never mind...

. sarah .

She needs something with a little more edge and a little more pain.

Mon, 03 May 2004 05:43:52 GMT

THis was a busy weekend.

But first, read my last entry and do what it says. Now. Or I'll get my Uncle Vinnie (yes, I have an Uncle Vinnie) to chop of something of yours; be it a finger or otherwise.

Right so Friday, went and saw Kill Bill dos with Brad and Evan and his dad and brother. Good good.

Saturday-- worked and went to the night at the oscars thing. Uber funness. Wore my dress from the 8th grade party. That was the first anything I'd ever bought at Saks. I'll post pics soon as they're developed.

Today-- church then work. I've eaten ssssoooo much today. Too much. I'm so fat.

I went on a walk tonight. Walked downtown to starbucks where sarah gave me a venti mocha frappuccino. I like her.

Walking around your house in your bra and underwear will never be overrated.

And, I think...

I think I'm falling in love...

. sarah .

Mon, 03 May 2004 01:42:08 GMT

Post a memory of me in the comments. It does not have to be the first memory of us meeting, just the first event that comes to your mind when you think about me. It can be anything you want.

Then post this in your journal and see what people remember of you.

You know how much I need you, but you never even see me do you...

Fri, 30 Apr 2004 05:25:59 GMT

I'm in a very easily distracted mood right now. I don't think I'm going to be doing my paper on ankylosing spondylitis any time soon.

The play was cute. I'm so very proud of Erin. The songs in that show are damn hard. But Mrs. Lucido (weird, I know) said she could really use me next year so I think I'll do that. Damn I miss performing... Anyways, you all should go see it tomorrow or Saturday night. It's free...

Um, I think I'm being used...

I hate the word corpse, Nidal and I decided today. Definate, definately.

I <3 you Jordan Huller. You made going to the play ten times cooler than it ever could have been. Hahahahahahhaha.... (that's me laughing at all the funny things you said... silly goose...)

I ate a Twix for dinner tonight. I want some real food, like, I don't know, a steak or something... yeah... mmm...

. sarah .

make my bed a grave and shovel dirt onto my sheets...

Fri, 30 Apr 2004 00:51:42 GMT

Haha, hmm...

I have never been more disappointed in you love, than I am at this exact moment. Oh wait, this moment. No, this moment. Man, you just keep goin...

. sarah .

Fri, 30 Apr 2004 00:20:01 GMT

Ok, you know what I hate? Fuck, I hate people that aren't content with themselves and are constantly trying to out-do their friends. One friend in particular; me. I hate that I always feel like whatever I do is just fine, then this person comes along and does something greater. Or, fuck I don't know. I'm just insecure and it bugs me. And the fact that they're CONSTANTLY rubbing it in my face doesn't make it any easier. I don't need to know every little detail, thanks. Everything they talked about and how fun it was and how they're doing this and this and this and this and how great they are. Blah blah blah. It kills me that I think that I'm my lonliest when I'm around my best friend. Dammit, why am I crying right now. I feel like I'm just overwhelmed with EVERYTHING and while it's small stuff, I know it's small stuff, all that fucking small stuff has begun to add up and... well... you know what happens next... yeah...

F.U.C.K.

. sarah .

I don't even feel like going to that stupid fucking play anymore. Fuck that. Fuck. Fuck.

Die young and save yourself...

Thu, 29 Apr 2004 00:21:33 GMT

I would do Colin Farrell in two seconds. No, no time. I wouldn't even think twice. Oh dear lord, oh my gosh, oh wow...

I love you. I honestly love you.

. sarah .

you try to give away a keeper, or keep me 'cause you know you're just scared to lose...

Wed, 28 Apr 2004 05:20:11 GMT

I thought of the greatest Mother's Day present. Laurel Marotta called today and invited my mom to go see 'hairspray' in the city on friday and stay over night. My mom politely refused on the grounds of insufficient funds (sorry, big word spasm). She hung up the phone and proceeded to look very sad and say "man, I really wish I could get away once in a while..." So I, being the thoughtful and loving daughter that I am, called Laurel back and told her to save the ticket and the hotel room because I was going to pay for it so that my mom could go with her this weekend.

Oh yeah, and it's costing me $254.78 That's a whole lot of shopping right thurr yo...

But I think it's well beyond worth it.

-----

After 1st period, Jenny and Al informed me that Sr. Arellano had written something rather amusing on the board during class. And while I believed them, I wanted to see it for myself. So during 5th period, I walk into class and look on the board. And alas, in plain view, written there for all to see is "Practicar el B-J"

Apparently "B-J" was intended to stand for 'bungee jumping' but us, being the sick minded teenagers that we are, immediately thought differently. I mean, I personally thought 'belly jam'... wait, what were you thinking? Oh, c'mon... that's just disgusting... unacceptable...

. sarah .

I promise to stop now, to stop now...

Tue, 27 Apr 2004 01:13:38 GMT

So, about it being insanely hot today.

And about more guys commenting on my hair than girls...

Did I mention how hot it was today?

And how I missed hearing his voice all this weekend...

Yeah...

...as for me it's nothing new, just another two years...

Mon, 26 Apr 2004 05:32:19 GMT

Oh my gosh, my hair is SO short...

We're talking hella-short-like-woah...

. sarah .

C'mon baby light my fire...

Sun, 25 Apr 2004 05:38:26 GMT

So my sister asked me to help her sneak out tonight to meet some guy. And let the teenage romance games begin...

I got my hair cut. It's short. Uber short. Willow from 6th season short. But I like it. I like it.

I love almost famous. I love it.

. sarah .

Fri, 23 Apr 2004 04:08:55 GMT

</td>

What comes to mind when you hear..
..snow?:	blowing
..rain?:	skanks
..tornado?:	um...
..summer love?:	"...had me a blast..."
..Jon?:	rassmussen (is that how you spell it!?)
..Mike?:	shower
..Shea?:	butter
..banana?:	split
..dizzy?:	up the girl
..Laura?:	KREBS!!!
..Juan?:	"...carlos, I am beautiful and gay"
..car?:	wreck
..white?:	boy
..peppermint?:	patty
..New Found Glory?:	summer
..placebo?:	boy meets world
..orange juice?:	florida
..candid camera?:	smile!
..sister?:	sister
..brother?:	oh
..hate?:	-er
..school?:	sucks
..President?:	sam
..football?:	mud
..rap?:	homie
..pop?:	rocks
..rock?:	star
..punk?:	dirty
..sex?:	yes please
..death?:	ok
..baby?:	yay
..duuude?:	sweeet
..the end?:	never

The Survey Where You Say The First Word That Comes To Mind. Yay. brought to you by BZOINK!

</td></td></td></td></td>

Have you...
1. Fallen for your best friend?::	yeah-- i strongly advise against it...
3. Been rejected?::	yep
4. Been in love?::	nope
5. Used someone?::	no, i know how bad it hurts...
6. Been used?::	(see above)
8. Done something you regret?::	duh...
Who was the last person..
9. You touched?::	bradley
10. You talked to?::	bradley
12. You instant messaged?::	um, i don't know
14. You had sex with?::	NA
15. You yelled at?::	my mom
Do you..
19. Colour your hair?::	yeah
20. Have tattoos?::	no
23. Own a webcam?:	no
24. Own a thong?:	oh yes
27. Habla espanol?:	un poco
Have you / do you / are you...
30. Smoke?:	i have/ i don't/ don't plan to
32. Obsessive?:	yes i am
33. Compulsive?:	yep
34. Obsessive compulsive?:	haha yes
35. Panic?:	on occassion
36. Anxiety?:	(see above)
37. Depressed?:	no mas
38. Suicidal?:	nope
40. Dream of mutilated bodies, blood, death, and gore?:	no...
Random Questions
42. Can you do anything freakish with your body?:	not particularly. i used to be able to put my legs behind my head back when I danced, but not anymore
43. What facial feature do you find the most attractive on others?:	um... eyes or jawline
44. Would you vote for a woman candidate for president?::	if she was the most qualified
45. Would you marry for money?::	no...
46. Have you had braces?::	yes
47. Do you pluck your eyebrows?:	yes
48. Do you like hairy backs?:	um, ew...
50. Could you live without a computer?::	in theory...
51. Do you use ICQ, AOL Buddy list etc::	aol
52. If so, how many people are on your list(s)?::	158... weak, i know...
53. If you could live in any past, where would it be?::	the 50's and be the stereotypical housewife
54. Do you wear white socks?::	when i wear closed-toed shoes...
55. Do you wear shoes in the house or take them off?::	take them off
56. Your favourite fruit?::	grapes
57. Do you eat wheat bread or white?::	both
59. What is the last movie you saw?::	school of rock
61. Are you photogenic?::	not even a little bit
62. Do you dream in colour or black and white?::	color
63. Are you wearing fingernail polish?::	on my toes
68. Do you drink alcohol?:	psh! ha! no! never! not me!
70. What is the best accent?:	australian, irish, british (in that order)
71. Who do you want to kiss?:	um... about that...
72. Do you like sunrises or sunsets the most?::	sunsets
73. Do you want to live to be 100?::	no
76. Are you loyal?::	very
77. Are you tolerant of other peoples beliefs?::	not really...
80. Do you think you can draw well?::	haha no i suck
81. At what age did you find out that Santa Clause wasn't real?:	8... i found receipts for roller skates "santa" had brought me in my mom's drawer...
82. How many pairs of shoes do have in your closet?::	30 or so
83. Do you like to wear the same shoes everyday or do you like a variety?:	different colored flip flops, haha
84. Do you write poetry?::	not really
86. Do you sleep more on your back, front, or sides?::	sides or stomach
87. Cats/Dogs?::	gato

Personal Quiz 3 brought to you by BZOINK!

</td>

Get psyched because this is the coolest survey ever!
So, what's your name?:	sarah
Do you know why that's your name?:	because my parents are retarded and wouldn't name me something else
Do you like your name?:	not really
Let's say you had to pick a new one. What would it be?:	i dunno. i think sarah fits me.
Are you a dude or a chick?:	chick. duh.
Do you like being whichever you are?:	totally.
I'm a girl. I like it enough, but it sucks sometimes.:	agreed
So do you have a significant other?:	nope
(if yes) Whooooo?:	die
Why do you like them so much?:	shut up
(if not) Are you happy without one?:	no
You got any crushes?:	yeah
If you got to bang any celebrity you wanted to, who would it be?:	brad pitt or johnny depp or chad michael murray or adam brody
Pick three friends you'd be stranded on a desert island with::	christian, stephen, bradley
On this island, if you could have 1 fastfood restuarant, what would it be?:	in n out
Do you smoke?:	nope
If so, what brand? (Newports are nasty.):	na
Do you party?:	nope
What's the last party you went to?:	oh, haha, about that...
Was it any good?:	definately
Dr. Pepper or Root Beer?:	dr. pepper
What was the last song to get caught in your head?:	don't by blink 182
Do you like the show:	what? snow? show? i'm confused...
What Movie?::	i'm so confused right now
What show is this from::	like totally
It's okay if you don't know, but you're very sheltered if you don't.:	and completely
Who's your favorite comedian?:	psh i dunno
If you could be exceptionally good at something, what would it be?:	sex... duh...
Give me a pickup line, any pick up line::	if i told you you had a great body, would you hold it against me?
Have you ever been to the circus?:	many a time
Do clowns frighten you?:	yep
What is your opinion on mimes?:	um... why are they not talking!?
What is one of your inside jokes that always makes you laugh?:	cuatro brazos!!! (<3 mitzi)
What's a stupid nickname one of your friends calls you?:	rah
Why do they call you that?:	because he's special-ed
If you had to sleep with one of your friends, who would it be?:	haha what!?
Who's your sexiest guy friend?:	sexiest... hmmm.. i have some pretty damn sexy friends
Who's your sexiest girl friend?:	kim
Who's overall the sexiest person alive?:	(see the question about railing celebrities)
Is Johnny Depp hot, or what?:	duh
What's your favorite Disney movie?:	emperor's new groove
What's your favorite SONG from a Disney movie?:	the one in cinderella when the mice are making her a dress
What's your favorite restaurant?:	montrio
What do you always order when you're there?:	i always get something different
Do you have an online journal?:	yep
What's the address, so everyone who reads this can read it too?:	um... if you're reading this.. odds are you have the address...
Who will play you in the movie of your life?:	someone not cute
Who will play opposite you?:	it doesn't matter
What will be the genre of your movie? (Action, Drama, Musical...):	a mob flick
What's your favorite computer game?:	i don't play games on teh computer
Would you say you have a life?:	i guess so
What's the last movie you saw?:	school of rock
Was it any good?:	i've seen it before
Do you like movie theater popcorn?:	totally
Do you feel that the prices on popcorn are INSANE!?:	absolutely
What's your favorite name for a kid?:	bella or spencer. spencer's way cute
Did you play with Legos growing up?:	yeah...
If you could have anything to eat right now, what would it be?:	cheesecake
What time did you wake up this morning?:	645
Were you depressed when you woke up?:	not really
What's more satisfying? Brushing your teeth or taking a shower?:	taking a shower
Water or Milk?:	water
How do you feel about bottled water?:	fine so long as it's cold
Would you like to be rich and famous?:	duh
Would you like to be a supermodel?:	duh
Do the hiccups suck?:	they're kind of funny
When's the last time you went to church?:	sunday
Can you sing?:	yeah
Will you go to the dance with me?:	who are you?
Would you ever get a ferret?:	hell yeah
If you have ever had a fish, what was it's name?:	nemo... duh...
If you could play one instrument well, what would it be?:	piano

THE Awesome Survey. brought to you by BZOINK!

. sarah .

Hustlers get your guns, your shadow weighs a ton...

Thu, 22 Apr 2004 05:21:09 GMT

My therapist said I should be more naughty...

Really, she did.

What exactly does naughty consist of, cuz I don't think I do naughty...

Hmm...

. sarah .

Thu, 22 Apr 2004 01:07:16 GMT

i love the new britney spears video.

see... she does love justin...

. sarah .

and i take you back and you kick me down; cuz that's the way uh huh uh huh i like it...

Tue, 20 Apr 2004 22:16:32 GMT

This has to be quick cuz I'm going to therapy in a few but....

SAM GRILLO: ASB PRESIDENT!!!!!!!!
Yeah, how exciting is that!? Very. The convention went really well too. Fun fun fun. And I had, like, 4 different people come up to me and tell me what nice legs I have...(including Maggi...weird...) And it made me happy. Yeah, so in order to win, Sam (or someone) had to get 50% of the votes. She got 50.5%.
Score...

We went out to dinner later. And that was really great; our waiter was kind of cute... And I'm just so happy for her. She deserves it...

Block classes suck.

. sarah .

It's so unreal, the way you treat your friends...

Mon, 19 Apr 2004 04:47:15 GMT

I do not like working 20 hours a week...

I also don't like getting home at 2:30 in the morning from the terrah, dead elizabeth, 36 crazyfists, bury your dead, martyr ad and walls of jerico show, fun though it may be.

I most definately don't like the fact that the convention's tomorrow and the fact that I'm actually nervous to speak in front of all those people (!?)

And I, without a doubt, don't like that I didn't get to hang out with Hank (yeah, that was mystery boy...) yesterday. Damn it all...

I do, however, like shopping for things I don't need with money I should save.

I also like toasted bagels with cream cheese from the carmel beach cafe.

I most definately like the fact that I found the pink colored pencil I've been searching for, hmmm, let's see, FOREVER in my drawer and I can now use it to color cute little hearts everywhere.

And I, without a doubt, like you.

. sarah .